One of the benefits of memoir is how it frees you from the restrictions and limitations of existing in linear time. With memoir you enter into a simultaneous existence with your past. Everything that happened then is suddenly happening now as well. At least in your mind it is. And is there any other reality (for you) than what your mind perceives at this moment?
When I began my memoir, The Nancy Who Drew, I do not think I knew the extent to which I would have to relive past experiences. And that is probably a good thing, for had I had known what was ahead I daresay I would not have attempted the mammoth task it ended up being.
In order to remember a scene and picture it in my mind, I would often think of the light. Where was the light coming from? What color was it? What time of day was it? Because I knew that everything is recorded in the light. For me this was a way of unlocking memories.
There were years during my writing of the past when I felt more connected to my younger self, to those years long ago (past and gone forever? I think not!) than I did to my current life. And this made my current life somewhat difficult. Yet it was a passage I had to undertake. And it was during this passage that I became a time-traveler. I went back into the past and unraveled all the knots that had gathered. I sorted out the threads. I made myself whole again.
Going into those dark shadowy areas, shedding light upon events that happened long ago, reinforced what I already knew—that there is no such thing as time as we know it. It’s true we need our clocks and calendars in order to make sense of our world in 3D. But these are only constructs. I saw that when I used to stay up painting all night. The next morning was not a new day to me; it was the same day. The light had gone and come back, that was the only difference.
My mind can comprehend the statement that we are living all our past lives and all our future lives now, in this moment. My mind can comprehend that. I even have visions of these past and future lives. I think this is because I have delved so deeply into this life that I am living now. I feel I have bent myself backwards, done a back-flip, gone through a wormhole and come back, into the now. Memoir. Remembering the self.